Funny thing, this in between time.
I’ve arrived in Ontario… I’ve been here since Sunday… but our new home is not yet ready. Moving trucks arrive June 19 and we take possession that same day.
But that’s a week away.
In the meantime, we are living at our family cottage on the Ottawa river, an hour outside of the city itself. My parents live next door which comes with advantages and disadvantages (sorry Mom.)
And by “we”, I mean Mr. T, Mr. H, and me. Momma T has started her job in Ottawa and we have lined up daycare for Miss D so they have returned to Ottawa after a weekend at the cottage and are living with her parents. We aren’t all there because well, it’s a condo and 5 house guests is just too many for that small space!
So we are living separately and this is hard. We may have saved rent for a month, but the living separately and in limbo is hard.
I haven’t really been to visit the cottage in 25 years and much has changed in that time. It’s got 25 more years of wear and tear on it and it is looking decidedly tired and run down. It was probably run down 25 years ago! But there is a wonderful deck built onto it now, a great fire pit area, and a dock that extends into the water for diving off. And it is a roof over our heads, with recreation and relaxation and respite.
I have appreciated living by the water greatly in the past week, as Ottawa experienced its first heat wave of the season and temperatures soared into the mid-30s. I cannot imagine living in Ottawa in that heat. I’m sure i’ll experience it soon enough… the summer has just begun! The heat has broken now and today we have prepared for the incoming stormy weather expected overnight. I have to admit that I’m loving the windy weather and cooler temperatures… it feels almost like autumn, my favourite time of year to be at the cottage.
But we are all living in limbo in the meantime, and it is wearing us down. The kids are quick to argue, I’m quick to respond with anger. Our tempers and fuses are short. Today’s weather kept us inside for much of the day and we are all feeling a little bored as a result.
I haven’t had a permanent home in a month now. I don’t know how people do this on a more permanent basis? I think of my outdoor rec friend Jason who seems to live on the road with his wife and brood of 3 young kids, and wonder how he does it, day in and day out? Maybe its the mindset going into it, knowing that it will be for 6 months or 6 years or whatever length of time you decide on. Or maybe it just takes a different type of person?
But I’m finding it hard, this living in between realities. I don’t have the comfort of a permanent base, of a routine, or of all my ‘people’ around me. I miss friends and familiar faces in my every day living and moving about. I even miss my Starbucks baristas, who knew my drink and prepared it properly without me reciting the recipe to them. I love my kids, but I’m tired of them, their idiosyncrasies, their conversations, and their constant demands for attention or food or refereeing! Soon enough they will be back in BC for 6 long weeks without me, and I know that I will miss their every move and every whine and every demand! I will regret being annoyed by them today.
But I was. It is days like today that reinforce the fact that there is no way that I could ever home school my children. I’m not sure we’d live to tell the tale!
June 19. We take possession of our new home on June 19. And then we can start to build our life in Ottawa.
Unfortunately there is still some uncertainty as to future paths of our family, and that will not be determined until the end of the summer at the earliest. This weighs heavily on my mind but I have had faith thus far in my journey and believe that I must maintain that trust into the future. We waver, but still hold steadfast and believe, together, that this was the correct path for our family, now and into the future.
There was a poem I used to love:
I used to yearn to know the future and what lay in store for me. And then one day, someone said to me, “but that would take the adventure out of it!” This is true.
But I think I’ve had sufficient adventure to last me for awhile. I’m ready to settle down and have some quiet for a bit. And I’d like to know where our family will be in a year, or even 6 months from now!